Married Divas

Vivien Leigh as Scarlett O’Hara–photo from Wikipedia

Carrie Fancett Pagels just posted some great thoughts over on the ACFW blog…thoughts on being a writing diva: Hope you get to read it!

It makes me cringe to think that people actually act all high-and-mighty to their food servers at conferences. I’ve always thought that’s a sign of LOW-class, not high-class. Truly high-class people appreciate those willing to help them and treat them like the human beings they are. Shoot, even Scarlett O’Hara did that, and she was quite diva-liscious. (Okay, she did lose her temper with those who were inept, but that’s when they were fighting to survive…And she was selfish when she was married…Okay, she had some diva issues.)

But then I started thinking…what about a diva mentality in marriage? 

Now, I’ll admit that, as a teen, I was easily the most melodramatic member of my family. But once I got married, I had to grow up (thank the Lord!). Yes, I might still have a somber, sullen jag here and there, or very rarely get pushed to the limit by something my hubby says. But at this point in our marriage, we’ve become more of a unit–more like-minded in our outlook on things. We might debate things, but we know when to stop pushing those buttons.

But what if I’d stayed the selfish, closed-minded girl I’d been as a newlywed? What if I hadn’t learned to adapt and listen to my hubby’s side of things?

DIVA. Diva wife. Diva mom.

A husband’s worst nightmare! A wife who manipulates him–maybe by crying, maybe by “guilting” him all the time. A mom who can’t deal when life goes off-schedule or off-script and everything hits the fan (it always does, with small children–especially in grocery stores and restaurants!). Someone who’s always looking for someone else to blame.

Yes, as moms and wives, we want schedules. We want husbands who help us out and listen to us. And, quite often, there IS someone else to blame. But sometimes, we have to give it up and let it go. And those are the times when God steps in and whispers, “Tell me about it.”

Yes, some of us are naturally more dramatic. But God can handle the drama. He can handle our emotions–just read any of the Psalms. King David was quite dramatic, and quite occasionally selfish.

We just have to fight to keep our drama from morphing into The Diva.

I’ve found that praying for our spouses and children can do just that. The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie O’Martian is an awesome study guide. It will revolutionize your marriage. There’s also The Power of a Praying Husband for men.

What happens when you pray specific prayers for those closest to you is that you start to see things from their point of view. You start to feel more compassion for them.

And compassion is very non-Diva-ish.

Praying God blesses us all as we humble ourselves and pray for those most important to us.

****Have you learned any specific ways to avoid the plague of The Diva?***


10 thoughts on “Married Divas

  1. Well, let's both commit to not only NOT being writing divas but also NOT being a diva wife. Having married late (almost 30) I had taken care of myself for a long time. And I married someone who would have run screaming from a diva, lol! We watched a friend's marriage destruct when he married a bona fide narcissist diva. Very sad. Especially for their child. Dad got custody.

  2. Great points, Heather. Love the words of Romans 12:3 for avoiding pride/diva-mentality: "For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you."

  3. Carrie, that's so sad! The whole family was broken up by one person's selfishness. Reminds me of the "But we've just fallen out of love" excuse. When you bail on marriage b/c you're not willing to bend, you delete all the blessings you would've gotten by figuring out more about your spouse.

  4. Yes, Amanda, thank you for quoting that verse! I was trying to think of something apt, but didn't want to quote all the Psalms or Proverbs. I also love that verse about "Let another's lips praise you, and not your own." (Something along those lines).

  5. Yes!! That one you quoted is perfect. I've been dwelling on it lately– and also realizing what fun it is to be the person who praises (encourages) another!

  6. Ooh, this brings up all kinds of scary thoughts – I certainly have my wife/mom diva moments far too frequently. There are time when I feel I just NEED things to be done my way. But of course I don't. And of course those tense moments are the time when it's the most difficult to step outside yourself and gain perspective. Prayer is the only way, isn't it?

  7. Ah, yes, definitely have known a few women like that, and I think we all have days where it's a temptation. I love the words of John Chrystostom: “Husbands should say to their wives: ‘I have taken you in my arms, and I love you, and I prefer you to my life itself. For the present life is nothing, and my most ardent dream is to spend it with you in such a way that we may be assured of not being separated in the life reserved for us. I place your love above all things, and nothing could be more bitter or painful to me than to be of a different mind than you!’”(Of course, I think wives should say this to their husbands, too!)

  8. Kate and Faith, you're so right, we all have those moments. I think it's human nature to be narcissistic, even if we're letting people walk all over us to make ourselves feel better. And Faith, that quote is WILD! If I didn't know better, I would've thought it was a woman writing from a man's perspective!

  9. Love the Power of a Praying Wife book, Heather. That and The Power of a Praying Husband and The Power of a Praying Parent have all been instrumental in our marriage time and time again. I make a point to write out prayers about my husband rather than just shooting something off while I'm ticked off…. Inevitably, the Lord ends up doing a work in me and changing my perspective about my champion. When I play the Diva, no one benefits, not even me in the long run. When I let God work in me, I go from Diva to Divine and EVERYONE benefits. Blessings,Becky

  10. I thought your post agreed perfectly with thoughts I've had myself! I'm not married yet, but am moving in that direction with my boyfriend, and I can attest that diva behavior even while dating is very destructive! If I make demands and regard my boyfriend's actions with a critical eye, then quickly my attitude turns sour and we both suffer. On the other hand, if I ask God for strength and compassion and try to interpret everything my boyfriend does with kindness, our relationship feels very healthy and harmonious. Prayer really does help!

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