|Author Becky Doughty
Last week’s awesome guest blogger, Bethany MacManus, talked about depression. This week’s guest blogger, Becky Doughty, talks about practicing magick–ie: Wicca. These interviews tie right in with my Viking novel, God’s Daughter. My main character, Gudrid, struggles with depression. She’s also a trained volva–basically a pagan holy woman. She chooses to turn her back on her upbringing and follow Christ instead.
Therefore, both these topics are heavy on my heart and mind. Once I learned more about Becky’s story, I knew the themes of her life meshed perfectly with Gudrid’s.
And, in case you don’t know, there is such a thing as Christian Wicca. It might be swept under the rug, but Christians can be attracted to Wicca/paganism, just like anyone else. Becky was. Here’s her powerful story, with her bio at the end. I highly recommend her book, Life Letters: The Fruit of the Spirit–it helped me see the women in Bible stories with new eyes.
by: Becky Doughty
What is it about “magic” that captivates us so? Is it the sparkles that swirl through the air when a spell is cast? Is it the flickering candles that indicate there’s a mysterious current in the air? Or is it the need to be in control of our circumstances? Is it the desire for something more, something bigger, something beyond ourselves that we can tap into and harness for our own intentions?
For me, magick (with a k – the difference between a stage act and a religious practice) was a doorway out, an escape from the life in which I felt trapped. My marriage, although still intact, was on a downward spiral of destruction. My career was rife with politics and limitations imposed by insurance companies and state budget cuts. My children were at an age where they simply didn’t “need” me the way they did when they were younger. And God? Well, I think He might have been on vacation because I couldn’t reach Him to save my life. I know He was getting the messages but He certainly wasn’t responding, at least not the way I wanted Him to.
At first I just dabbled, afraid to get in too deep to something that I’d been taught was a danger to my soul. I approached it from an intellectual angle, as more of a research project than a religious pursuit. I absorbed and processed everything that I could get my hands on; the internet, the library, the local bookstores. I didn’t buy books at first – that would be “buying into” the whole pagan practice thing and I wasn’t quite ready to do that. But the more I explored, the more I wanted to experiment, to try it out, to see if it really worked….
You must understand something about me. I was raised on the mission field in a country where witchcraft and idolatry were alive and well. I saw human bodies being used as vessels for Satan’s work – demon possession IS a very real thing that continues to this day. I know from personal experience what exorcism looks like (the movie just makes God look silly), and I witnessed first-hand how difficult it is for people to put aside pagan practices in exchange for walking with Jesus.
Witchcraft and idolatry, quite frankly, terrified me.
But then I grew up. And I got bored. And lonely. And empty. And bewitched.
Bewitch: To fascinate. To enchant. To put a spell on. To practice magick. And that’s what I did – in that order. I became fascinated. I began to long for what it offered. I let myself fall under the spell of magick. It awakened the deep, hollow places of my soul and gave me something to work towards, to stretch for, to fall into. When I discovered a group of Christian Witches who understood me and the struggle to juxtapose my Christian beliefs with my longing for magick, it didn’t take long to convince myself that my fascination was God-given because He wanted more from me than from His other, less-flexible, followers. He’d chosen me to use my power to do His good. He had chosen me to be something special.
Special. Better. More. Elevated. Powerful. Godlike.
The more I elevated myself, the less I looked to my husband to lead and protect me. The more I tapped into my inner power, the less I looked to God as my Savior.
That’s when I realized that I had a problem: God gives us the freedom to stay or walk away. He does NOT give us permission to share the throne with Him, because He is a jealous God and He’s never been shy about it. Exodus 34:14 – “…whose name is jealousy…” Deuteronomy 4:24”…a consuming fire, a jealous God…” Joshua 24”19 “…a holy God, a jealous God.” Ezekiel 39:25 “…I will be jealous of My holy name…” 2 Corinthians 11:2 “…I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy…”
I had to choose.
I chose wrong.
And it cost me. It cost me everything.
But that choice cost God even more, a price He willingly paid to rescue me, and thankfully, thankfully, thankfully, He wasn’t willing to just let me go without a fight. He watched, He waited, and when I was ready, He wooed me back to Him. He met me in the darkest part of my night, in the snare of elusive power that I’d fallen victim to, and He offered me freedom. He replaced my heart of stone with a heart of flesh (Ezekial 36:26). He exchanged my emptiness with His stillness, with His peace (John 14:27). He restored to me the joy of His saving grace (Psalm 51:12), and in that dark wilderness He taught me to call Him ‘My Husband’ instead of ‘My Master’ (Hosea 2:16).
Letting God have control of my life was not easy. It took a thousand steps to walk away and it took even more to come back home. I didn’t have any “come to Jesus” moments, no, I had night after night, week after week, month after month, and even years of begging Him to give me the strength and the patience to be obedient, which He did, but not without pain and tears and brokenness as I let Him strip away everything that I’d become. It was my
choice, but He assured me that I was choosing right this time.
Several years have passed now and I can finally look back into that shadowy valley in which I’d wandered and not feel tempted by its lure. Believe me, the pull is there because the power is real, but it is a trap, my friends. Do not be deceived. We humans are created to serve only One Lord (Zech 14:9) and He is a jealous one. BUT His is a righteous jealousy because He loves us and wants what is best for us. There is no sweeter sound to His ear than the cry of our hearts as we call Him Husband, Lover of My Soul, Savior, Jesus, the One and Only King of Kings and Lord of Lords.
Becky Doughty is a Warrior Princess whose weapon of choice is her pen. She writes Christian/Inspirational Fiction. You can find her at her blogspot: http://beckydoughty.wordpress.com/. Her first book, Life Letters: The Fruit of the Spirit, is a fictionalized collection of letters penned by women of the Bible, and is available at all online booksellers. Becky is also a speaker with a heart for women fighting in today’s battles.
Becky is married to her God-chasing champion, Kevin, and they have four children – three by birth and one gained by the marriage of their oldest daughter last year.
****I hope this post has spoken to you today. It’s easy to feel the lure of unchecked power when our marriages are in trouble or we’re bored. Magick makes a million promises, but you can see from Becky’s story that those promises are empty and the end is destruction. I’d love for you to comment, but if you don’t feel comfortable doing so and this has helped you in some way, please email me personally at firstname.lastname@example.org, or you can contact Becky at her blogspot. I just have a feeling someone needed to read this. Becky, thank you SO much for being so very open and honest. I have so much respect for you–struggling against sin that’s firmly entrenched is one of the hardest things to do. So glad God has brought you and your husband into this new and refreshing season of marriage, my friend!****